my mood has been totally down for the past few days or week.. hai.. nothing can cheer me up... lao gong seems busy... dunno did he realise if i'm feeling low.. hai..

so sian.. holiday ending soon... and the GEM dunno want to choose what... hai...

hope there's something to cheer me up and change my mood. hopefully my mood will change by tomorrow... i'm so sick of being in a low mood... hai.............................

hmmm... i'm alone again. But this time i wun be alone for too long.. hehe... lao gong will be able to book out on tuesday and book in at wed night.. just need to wait for him for one day.. haha.. but it still feels strange without him around me. And strangely my cough recovered speedly. Dunno is it got lao gong to take care of me.. hehe... Thank you.. qiang qiang. Lao gong law test coming.. wish u all the best and jia you.. miss u... : )

Suddenly realised everything is not so simple. Our planning got to changed. I felt so foolish to think that everything will be so simple. :(

i want to forget all the unhappiness and remember only the happiness...

一个破裂的家庭，痛苦的是小孩子。

you said we could go to wai po house if we want to. But u never kept this promise since last time till now. Everytime we said we want to go then u will be angry. I told u this coming sat i want to go wai po house and u suggested me to go to mum side and its meaningless for me to stay with u. U asked me to consider your suggestion and said u aren't fit to be my father. I'm so sad. I know you are angry cause i din go to the ah yi grandma house and i want to go wai po house. But this is just two different things and why dun u understand. that is her side of family.. not my side. I dun see the reason why i should go. I HATE IT! Lao gong said that i shouldn't go wai po house this sat cause of your words. He said that if i go, i might not be able to stay here anymore and my living could be of a problem. But i feel that i'm not in the wrong to go to my wai po house. Its been a long time since i pay them a visit and have steamboat with them. If this sat i'm not going, it means that i'm conceding defeat and i'm in the wrong. And i dun wan to reutrn to the past where i dare not go wai po house because of your words and because i'm scared that u will be angry. Now i'm not sure whether i want to go or not. Who can enlighten me or who can enlighten my father??? Who can help me???? I really really miss them and i wish to be able to pay them a visit. But how can u use this to force me not to go. If i really go, will u chase me out of this house?? Chasing me out of this house who will i have to stay with??? and i will have to work part time jobs to feed myself. Do you really have to go to such extend just because i din want to go to that woman's house... I really dunno what to do.. I really dun... Dominic sometimes also got go wai po house but noting happens. When i say i want to go, things happen. How can u be so selfish to sacrifice ur daughter happiness for your face. Does it mean that u wun mind losing a daughter just to keep your face??

Felt so sorry that i have to bring so much problem for lao gong and make him worry for me. I dun wish to drag u into my family problem anymore. So sorry.. lao gong.. Brought u so much trouble.

how do i put an end to it???

this happened around 6.15pm... Had an argument with father.. And i finally took the courage to say out things which i think is not right. And i have been tolerating this for a long time.. Finally can let it out ler.. I just dun understand why must u force me to go. I go there i feel so uneasy. Go there eat awhile then go liao u also happy.. U say like that then will not be pai sei.. But is face more important than your daughter happiness. Your already found your happiness. But by asking me to go to the place which i dun like, u are building your happiness on my sorrow. Why can't u just go there and be happy and i stay here. Like that both sides will be happy. Why need use force one? Not only i'm not happy about going there. All of us dun feel like going there. But they dun dare to say out. But i can't tolerate anymore. I just dun feel like going. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. You and she and her family are in a world of yours. Dun pull me in. I'm very happy at the place where i'm in right now. I just want to stay like that and not get involved with her or her family. You might think that i'm not a good daughter. But i just want to be happy. I dun wan to do things which i dun like. Your promised that our life will not be interrupted or changed. But by forcing me to go means interrupting my life... I feel that i did not do wrong this time and i will definitely not go and i will definitely not cry. U might not love me as much or talk to me anymore but its ok. I just want to be happy and do the things i like. Not going there doesn't mean i dun side with u. I just dun like strangers. If u want me to go i rather kill myself. I really felt angry when u said i side with mother just by going to celebrate her birthday at ah yi house. This is not the same thing and how can u compared it together. I din really mention the reason we go ah yi house eat caused i dun wan u to think of the past and think that i'm not siding with u. And i just want to have a nice dinner with mum and ah yi they all.. One year only see once and sometimes one year also never see each other.. I really miss them. Even wai gong, wai po and ah yi they all miss us. Isn't it sad. One year mum and daughter hardly see each other. why can't me the innocent kid enjoy my time with my mother and father. I know we can't return to the past but i hope to be still able to see both of u enjoying your life and able to see you all from time to time. I really hope dad can understand how i feel and dun force me to go there anymore. If this will lead to a cold war between me and u, i also had no choice. I din mean to argue with u, i just want to voice out my point and hope u understand. Brother and lao gong are on my side and this boost up my confidence. I'M NOT WRONG!!!! I love both of you and i not going to be bias to which side.

hmmm.. a few days never blog ler.. been very busy with the survey.. its hard sia.. the survey is so long.... 11 pages.. who want to do... hai... and the person want us at the last day do 15 pieces. i only did 10... haha..

woke up this morning early as i receive my result through sms... hmmm....as expected, wasn't very good... but lao gong say pass can liao... hmm... gpa drop a little... shall work harder for next sem...

friday after work went to look after laogong.. hmm.. so kelian.. so decided to buy him his fishing videos to watch.. bought two for him.. hehe...

by saturday he recovered. then we went swimming with ah hock.. it was fun.. hehe... the sad thing is i turned black.. actually there wasn't any sun and it wasn;t hot but we still turned black... hai.. now my skin got two colour ler.. planning to go swimming again these sat... we going jio alot of other friends to go too.. hope they got go.. then it will be more fun... hehe.. looking forward to it sia...

sunday morning pei lao gong mum go wet market buy roast chicken and duck. whhen we reach home very tired ler.. so went to sleep... after that lao gong bring me to play 你们神经病。 hehe.. its a candy game in arcade.. i hit two jackpot.. haha.. thank you.. lao gong.. now i got a lot of sweets and bear... i'm addicted to it liao.. but lao gong say cannot go often.. if not waste alot of money.. hmmm.. sorry.. lao gong... at night lao gong book in ler.. so sad.. hai... i'm alone again...

In the afternoon went for a survey interview with Audrey. Spent 3 hours there.. so long.. The survey seem quite hard.. hai... Will try out my luck tomorrow.. hope it wun be as tough as i thought it will be.. good luck to myself.. If hard then i think i going to say bye bye to it ler.. hehe..

Started my first tuition with my relative fabian at night. His brothers came along too.. all of them are so cute... hehe... espically the youngest one.. He is such a good student.. hehe.. so easy to teach.. Its free and i dun mind.. Finish teaching in an hour something and they started playing... hehe.. happy that they came over. looking forward to my next tuition with him.

Lastly, finally its friday!!! I can see my lao gong ler.. Hmm.. miss him so much.. he suggested going swimming over the weekend.. shall see about it.. hehe... I will make good use of the time with him... his brother POP ler.. so good.. lao gong still need wait till oct something.. hai... by the time my school starts ler... sad..

Shall end here.. Lets see how my luck tomorrow will be.. hope can do as much as possible and the person are patient with me as the survey is quite long leh.. (11 pages).............

:p

Hai... I'm so tired... but i can't fall asleep ler.. Father and the who and who so noisy.. shouting across the room.. i'm sleepy... worst of all later i going to try my 1st attempt in survey... lack of sleep how to perform well.. hai... and i got sore throat

Receive a call from lao gong just now.. he said his fever come back ler... he now going see doctor to check if he can get mc and go home early today.. if can i not going to work ler.. i going to pick him up.. he so ke lian... fever come and go... hopefully he manage to c the doctor in time and for me to inform the person i not going work today..

haha.. it feels good to be alone in the room and using com, listening to music...

shall continue at night.. current mood : :( n :)

Its the 1st time。。 Dun understand why this happened..
你没遵守你的约定，让我感到非常伤心。心好痛好痛。。。
是什么原应让你这么做？

hai.... got to see her at home so sian.. still need go fetch that naughty bee.. hai hai hai..
i miss those old days..

luckily still got lao gong.. lao gong having fever now resting at home.. shall go take care of him tml.. hehe.. so happy can get to see him.. but he got to book in at 9pm tml..

hmmm..
Lao gong went army again ler.. so sian.. holiday nothing to do sia.. mj not enough leg..
Created my blog on friday but din have the time to post anything up caused need to pick lao gong up at cck. spent my fri, sat, sun with lao gong and happy time always past so fast. so sad. miss qiangqiang. lao gong's mum fish porridge is simply delicious. ate two big bowl.. haha.. later lao gong going to say i am pig liao..

Any friends who have blogs do link me.. thanks :p

keongnhui.blogspot.com
This is HuiHui's blog.
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